Many people blame others for their unhappiness. Are you also one of them? Do you know your negative patterns and bad habits are the reasons for your unhappiness and failure in life? What do you do when facing failures and unhappiness? If yes, this article is for you. Mel Robbins is explaining simple self-improvement tips to break negative patterns and bad habits.
Mel Robbins is a best-selling author, and, according to Speaking.com, she is the most booked female speaker in the world. She went from being an unemployed 41-year-old facing bankruptcy to impacting millions through her speeches and books and becoming one of the world’s highest-paid speakers. Continue reading and watching the video which will surely help you to break your negative patterns and change your life into success and happiness.
Tips to break the negative patterns – Mel Robbins
Here is how to break the negative patterns and habits
I think the journey of your whole life is figuring out how to truly like and love yourself. Sometimes when the dream is so big the fact that it’s so big becomes paralyzing. The power is always in you and I think that’s something that’s so important to constantly remind yourself need motivation.
10 Easy Tips to break the negative patterns and habits
- Love yourself
- Savour the moment
- Regain your power
- Slow down
- Do a friend cleanse
- Practice stress management
- Break the patterns
- Find what energizes you
- Start small
- Stop comparing yourself to others
1. Love yourself
I think that the work that we all have to do every single one of us whether you bulldoze, whether you people please, whether you avoid conflict, whether you’re impulsive, whether you yo-yo your decisions, whatever it is that is your pattern. You know you the constant trashing yourself. I think the journey of your whole life is figuring out how to truly like and love yourself.
2. Savour the moment
If you are afraid of disappointing people, if you’re afraid that you’re not good enough, you may catch that in one area of your life. But as your life gets bigger and as you change, it’ll creep in other areas, and one way that those patterns where you don’t think you deserve it or you don’t think you’re good enough or you’re terrified of disappointing people come into play is when you start to expect the worst. And so catch it that’s the first step. You can’t break your pattern unless you see it and then you’re going to replace it.
And what I’m going to start doing is I’ve got this little app on my watch. You can set it on your phone where every three hours it reminds me to breathe and I notice the second that the alarm goes off I’ve been holding my breath. And so you can set a little alarm on your phone Megan’s laughing. You can set a little alarm in your phone that just says savour. It’s a reminder to take a minute you can make it say take a minute, take a minute look around, compliment yourself on what’s going right. Because expecting the worst is something you taught yourself to do guess what. You can teach yourself to take a minute and to savour what’s going right. And the more you force yourself to do it the more it’ll become a habit.
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3. Regain your power
It comes back to the core message that I always have for you. No matter what’s happening around or to you, you hold the power because you always have the power to have an honest conversation. You always have the power to discuss how things are impacting you. You always have the power to make requests and you certainly have the power to draw boundaries. And you also have the power by the way if the culture gets worse and worse or you just are tired of it because it’s not changing to go find a different job.
The power is always in you and I think that’s something that’s so important to constantly remind yourself. I get that, I don’t like where I am but what could I do to change it, how can I change, how I think about this? And I’m telling you right now you know this. The second you start changing how you think about a situation the situation changes. The second you start changing how you think about what your options are you start to see them. The second you stop thinking that you’re stuck or that you’re a victim and you start thinking about how you solve something you start to see solutions. And so the answer is always in you.
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5. Slow down
If you look at human development we’re the only species that literally can’t survive without another human being taking care of you. And so we are biologically wired to bond with other people and that is from the very beginning of when you come out. Bonding with somebody else and making sure they pay attention to you is your survival imperative.
So you are born needing somebody else and I think what ends up happening is there’s never that kind of clean break or pass off between needing your parents to take care of you, needing your friends’ approval to fit in, to truly having ownership over giving yourself what you didn’t get, giving yourself what you needed. And that’s the piece that I’ve been doing a lot of during the great pause is slowing down. Because so much of my busyness was fueled by uh you know praise me, love me, am I doing enough, you know please tell me I’m doing okay, okay I can breathe now, I’m okay now. And when I slow down and maybe it’s a function of the anxiety that’s when things get scary because that’s when you’ve really got to be with yourself.
You’re always going to need to push yourself, you’re always going to need to parent yourself. If you didn’t give what anybody else thought what’s the thing you would love to be doing with your life? The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that you need in order to learn new behaviour in order to do something difficult in order to do something uncertain in order to do strategic thinking.
5. Do a friend cleanse
The reason why it’s so important to start with a friend cleanse and I’m sure a lot of you. How many of you heard that you thought oh my God getting rid of people boy oh boy I’m gonna cleanse these friends. Yes and no. A friend cleanse is critical because the single most influential thing around you is the people that you hang out with. And if you have relationships that are toxic, if you have relationships that cause guilt, if you have relationships that are creating drama in your life, if you have relationships that, are not equitable, guess what that’s creating the overwhelm, that’s creating unhappiness, that’s keeping you doubting yourself. If you have friends that have bad habits, guess what that’s making it really hard for you to change your habits for the good.
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6. Practice stress management
You have this behaviour pattern where you snap, you have this behaviour pattern where you yell and you get upset and you make people wrong, and you don’t mean to. If you are somebody who’s ever said to yourself I wish I could stop yelling or I wish I could just snap, I could stop snapping this video is absolutely unbelievable. Okay, and the reason why has I explained this research that was so mind-blowing for me. It’s called Ghosts in the Nursery a lot of the patterns that you have that, you don’t have control over are patterns from your childhood and they are there because when you were a kid you experienced people in your life that were tense.
Did you ever have a parent that was a yeller? Did you ever have a teacher that was a yeller or a coach that was a yeller? And secretly in your little kid body whenever your mom or dad would yell or your coach would yell or your teacher would yell or your grandmother or grandfather would yell you would feel tense, right, you would feel nervous, you would feel on edge. Of course, that’s how we all feel right. Well, here’s the reason why you might have an issue like I used to have an issue where I would yell at my kids and then I’d feel terrible about it. I’d snap at my husband and then I’d feel terrible about it. Psychologists and then I would say to myself I’m not doing that again, I’m not doing that again but I wouldn’t have the ability to end it.
Psychologists call this ghost in the nursery. It means that in any situation where you start to feel tense or you start to feel stressed out guess what happens your body remembers what it was like when you were little to feel tense and stressed out. And what were the adults doing around you when you felt that way? They were snapping, they were yelling and now here you are repeating the pattern and you don’t know why? And you feel guilty and I’m explaining this to you because it wasn’t until I thought holy cow like I know I don’t want to snap at my husband. I know I don’t want to take my anger from working out on my family. Why can’t I stop this? That’s the reason why. It’s because it’s a pattern that you remember from being a kid that the adults around you were snapping or yelling or being meantime. And when they were, you felt tense and stressed out. So now that you’re an adult when you’re tense and stressed out you repeat the behaviour that you witnessed crazy, right?
So how do you stop it? Well, the first step to stopping anything is to actually understand what you’re dealing with. Now that you know you’re dealing with a pattern. Now all you need to do is basically say okay I’m going to put a practice in place that’s going to interrupt this pattern. What’s the practice? Well, a really good one is before you walk in the house at the end of the day if you’re stressed out take five deep breaths, like reset your mood, reset your energy before you walk in the house and you’ll be surprised by how much nicer you are to the people around you.
Another thing that you can do and this one’s not so fun is you can train your partner, your kids your roommates, your family that if you’re trying to get a hold of how you bring stress home, you can train them to say to you hey don’t take your work stress out on me. When somebody that you care about says that to you it’s a humbling experience and the person that says it the most in my life is my son Oakley. The youngsters seem to love to cross-check the adults so be careful with taking that advice.
7. Break the patterns
I know that in this next chapter that I consciously create I want to have more fun. I wanna I really wanna love the process. I don’t wanna make it so hard on myself and be gripping everything so tight. And it’s really easy for me to see it in other people because I know what it feels like in here. I’m working hard to break the patterns that still hold me back. And the big one that holds me back is bulldozing that it’s literally when I start to feel any level of tension. This is particularly true in my marriage. I’m married to a saint thank God. Chris Robbins meditates every morning. It’s the only reason why we’ve lasted 26 years. It’s how he puts up with me. When I feel like whatever emotion rise I immediately raise my voice. It’s how I assert power in the relationship. And I am so committed Louis to breaking that pattern. And being a more fun person to be around and a kinder person to be around.
8. Find what energizes you
First of all, stop talking about passion, stop talking about launching a business. Okay! When you think about it too big it will paralyze you. If you’re lucky and you’re in a position where your bills are getting paid and you have the luxury of being able to try to think about what you want to do in this next chapter here’s where I want you to start. I want you to start with what energizes you now. How ironic is that given that I’m speaking at the energetic women’s conference here in Indianapolis today?
Why am I saying energize and what do I talk about, what am I talking about when I say energize? When I say energizes you I’m asking you what is it that you’re curious about. What is it that you feel so expanded, you feel energized, you feel kind of excited? Whenever you’re doing it you’re in a phase when you’re just trying to figure out what’s your next move of just paying attention to your curiosity, paying attention to the things that interest you. The truth is passion is just energy. If you’re passionate about something it means you’re energized when you do it.
So let’s reverse engineer this and let’s just ask yourself a simple question, what are you curious about? What energizes you? And if you allow yourself to explore things that energize you, you will start to find clues about what it is that you should and could be doing. Because all the research says that if you’re doing something that you like, if you’re doing something that you’re curious about, you’re not only going to enjoy it, you’re going to be really good at it because if you like doing it you’ll spend more time doing it which means you’re going to get better at it.
9. Start small
Sometimes when the dream is so big the fact that it’s so big becomes paralyzing because you think about where you are right now and you think holy cow that thing that I really want I don’t even like. How do you even start when the dream is so big? So here’s what we’re going to do today. We’re going to shrink it down because you know me I am all about simplicity, I’m all about making sure that the advice works for you because if it doesn’t work for you, you’re not going to do it. And I’m all about switching how you think about things making this smaller and making it something that I’m learning about rather than doing and launching. And that somehow thinking about it differently frees up the ability to get started.
If I get you to start doing that and you do this every day for 10 or 15 minutes you absolutely can guess what’s going to happen. You’re going to feel the momentum, you’re going to feel like you’re working on it, you’re going to meet people that are interested in it. You’re going to learn things that are going to lead to the next thing that you need to learn and you will have mastered the art of getting started. And by doing something a little bit every day you’re also going to master the art of continuing to keep going and from there it’ll snowball. I promise you, I promise you.
10. Stop comparing yourself to others
You see you’re only ever running against yourself. There’s room for all of us. There’s room for you to do the same thing, there’s room for you to write that book, there’s room for you to do those makeup tutorials, there’s room for you to launch that restaurant, there’s room for you to start your singing lessons, there’s room for you to write that song. It is normal and it is going to happen to you all the time that you’re going to see people that seem to block out the sun whenever they make an announcement because they’re that big and that amazing. I don’t want you to allow yourself to shrink when somebody else is doing something that is similar to what you want to do.
From the above, you must have realised that you are responsible for your happiness and success. Do not blame others for your failures because your bad habits and negative patterns are responsible for your failure and unhappiness. Try to identify your bad habits and negative patterns that are obstacles to your success and change them. Have a positive attitude and increase self-confidence to achieve success and happiness in your life. Learn to turn failures into success.
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Mathukutty P. V. is the founder of Simply Life Tips. He is a Blogger, Content Writer, Influencer, and YouTuber. He is passionate about learning new skills. He is the Director of PokketCFO.
He lives with the notion of “SIMPLE LIVING, CREATIVE THINKING”. He Believes – “Sharing is caring.” and “Learning never ends.”